Things are not getting better, even if I haven't written for a while.
Now Duane is taking up holidays without telling me... I don't know what's wrong with the guy...
So he was on holiday thirsday and friday and he acted as if he was going to work....
I've known since Monday that he was on holiday... He waited till thursday to tell me that it'll be on holidays and he said from next Monday onwards...
In the meantime he was writting to his girlfriends to see if they were available to go to cinemas... I think the guy must love lying, because I really don't see why he wouldn't tell me that he was off. Or that he would go to cinema with his girlfriend.... I really don't understand why he feels the need to lie for things like that...
Because I was tired of all those lies I decided to make a term to that. I send a mail to his workplace. As I thouht, I received a mail back from his out of assistant. So I send a mail to his personal email address, saying how chocked I was. That I could not understand the reason why he lied.
Not knowing that I knew, he called me around 2pm, to ask me around what time I should be back home... I told him around 7pm... I came back home as early as I could, first to check if he was not with somebody in our place... we never known... and also to check his msn....
I read 2 things that I disturbed me.
First a conversation from one of his ex...she just said that she hopes he'll find happiness... what does she mean by that... I found out later that Duane's mum told her mum that she knows and gets on well with that Olivier is getting married !!! She must have been in shocked coz I'm pretty sure that she didn't know about me... I wonder if Duane had an explanation with her because he was kind of trying to get her on. I read a mail last month where she said that she was not ready to consider a relationship with him .... I'm going out with a bastard !!! I wish I could know what he had said to her...
The second mail was about a conversation he had with a female friend of his... he was telling her that he couldn't talk to her now coz he needed to masturbate, she said, can't ur girlfriend help you out for this, he said, no too useless !!!! The girl said, that's not really nice for her, then he said, she got her period !!!
What I understand, is that Duane doesn't have any respect for me and his happy to trash me with his female friend... So what's the conclusion, he must not love me, otherwise he could not say things like that, could he ?
So you could imagine how sad and upset I felt when I read this... Then I checked his computer and I found out his watching pornografic video, which doesn't bother me, except that those videos were about asian girls with no ass... Is that all he can fantasise about, is that what make him wanna masturbate !!! How sad !
So I waited patiently that he came back, when he did, I asked him how was work, I could see he could not answer and I wondered why, coz he's been allright to lied to me the day before... In fact he went back to work so he found out about the mail I sent...
He was quite ill at ease, so he did the washing up, then went to his computer to calm his nerves I suppose, then he finally plucked up the courage to confront me. ..
In the meanwhile I was in shock by his attitude, the guy is lying blatlanly to me, he knows that I know, and instead of talking to me tryintg to explain, and make himself forgiven for what he did, he did the wahing up and did God knows what on his computer. Duane is not a man, he is a coward... What do I do with such a guy ? Can't I find anybetter, don't I deserve any better ?
I cried and cried and felt sorry for myself !
So he told me that he was actually working fr home and so he didn t tell me, since he is not really on holiday The guy must thing that I'm nutt
I said come on, don't take me for what I'm not, he said that's true, I worked from home and then I went shoping and I didn't wanna tell you because I knew you'd be worry because I was riding the motorbike all day long...
I tried to make him understand that he could't tell me this kind of rubish, and that he's not even credible...He said, yes, this is true... i was disgustted by him, he's not even honest...
He shows a flash of honesty though when he said that he doesn't really know why he did that, there wasn't any logical explanation for his attitude, he just wanted 2 days for himself,,,,
And I guess that is why... The way he thinks is that from next week on, he is on holiday but he'll have to do administrative stuff and look about stuff for us... so he wanted to separate those 2 days from the rest of the holidays, and maybe that he's why he didn't tell me....
You know what annoy me the most, is not that he didn't tell me, since I know he hasn't done any thing that would break my heart, it's the attitude, the fact that he enjoys and feels no remorse at lying even when he's been discovered... He can look you in the eye and lie, lie to save his ass, such a bastard, no bollocks whatsoever... That guy doesn't deserve half of me !!!
Unfortunately for me I'm still not pregnant... and I still love him... But I wonder if the love that I'm feeling is not slowly fading away...
