Since Monday, Duane and I have been sleeping apart.
Monday Morning I woke up, I was upset with him, upset with his constant lies.
Although he's still on holiday, he woke up as well and wanted to keep company during the breakfast ritual. I did not say a word to him, I don't have much to say right now, I'm just waiting for him to come clean...
So I left the house and wish him a good day, he told me can't he have a goodbye kiss ? I said to him, I don't have the energy to pretend that everything is ok, all I want is you plucking up the courage to tell me what is going on when I come back home tonight... What I told you last time is true, the reason why I didn't tell u is to make you a surprise and you'll see tonight when you get home... I shook my head in disbelief and left...
You know when I hear Duane telling me his nonsenses I wonder, if the guy is a mythoman or else he's playing macho with his female friends on the mail....
When I came back from work, I had a nice surprise. He redecorated the house, bought nice and trendy curtains, put the paintings on the walls and stuff. It was really pretty, there was a note saying that I should enjoy this gift because it would probably be the last one , don't really like the sound of that....
When he came back, he cooked dinner, I thank him for the dinner and the decoration.
We ate in silence...
After diner he went to his computer, so I called him. It was more than time to have a proper discussion.
He told me again that the reason why he didn't tell me about the holiday was to surprise me with this, and more was to come.... I reminded him that the fact that I would know he was on holiday would have not ruined his surprise... He said that he doesn't really know why he did that... I then asked him why he would do things that would put my trust in danger, he cried out that I never trusted him and left the room ... That guy would not cease to amaze me...
I had shower and went to bed crying... I'm fed up with that guy !!! He's such a looser, he is unable to face difficult situation, he keeps running away, it impossible to have a conversation with him, he flees all the time... Why do I have to be with a guy like that !!!
Should I all give it up and start all over again ? I'm scare of that... How long will I be alone, and what about my plans of having a baby ? Shall I throw them away too ?
I feel like I'm stuck !!!