Went back home yesterday feeling very anxious about what was coming....
What is he going to say ?
He cooked diner and we ate, acting as if that day was a regular day !
We watched a movie. The holiday with Jude Law and Cameron Diaz. That was such a nice
and romantic movie.
Then Duane surprised me by going to bed, it must have been 11pm, he never goes to bed
before 1am... I thought that doesn't sound nice !!!
I waited and waited and then I went o bed as well, he was there lying in the bed... I was
pleasantly surprise because we've been sleeping in separate room for few days now...
We talked, he ask me to switch off the light, I was not happy with that, because I wanted to see him lying to me again. So I turn up the lignt a little.
He told me that he's really sad with me, all those constants arguments, me not being able to
trust him, me always wanted to give up on our relationship whenever something happen, me
not fighting for us. He told me that he really pissed him off to talk about the mail story over and
over again. I reminded him that trust takes a long time to build up and that story happened 3
months ago, so it's a bit difficult to just draw a line on it. He blame me for not believing on the
relationship, putting our plan about the wedding aside, getting rid of all our project 2gether...
I was a bit flaggerbastered...
I told him that what I want is to be with him, but I cannot do that if the relationship is doomed
with lies. If he's not honest with me, he will never work between us, things will always get
between us... At that point I wanted to tell him about the mails, so that he understood the
reason why I was acted this way. If he only knew that I know he would understand what I'm
talking about, but he does know and I cannot tell him.
He told me also, that he had the feeling that I was using him to have a baby and then I will
leave him. I laughed, I thought is it that obvious ? Or does he too read my mails....
I told him that this was my plan indeed, but I've never been able to achieve it because I can't
keep my mouth shout, because I'm still hopeful that things get better between us...
He told me also that reading his mail it's a violation of property... I really wonder if he
knows... To that i said I only read the one that concerned me... I don't know wether is talking
about the mail that I currently read or the one I read when this whole story came up in May....
We decided to try again because we love each other, he told me that he still wanna marry me
next year, his plans toward haven't changed... so I decided to give it a try... I'm really gonna try
to be nice and sweet. I told him that I wanna retrieve my nice, tender and thoughtfull Duane,
this is the one that I love and I wanna see him again...
That whole experience, all those pains and hurts will be a liner silver if only I don't come
across no more mails which could break my heart again...
Right now, I'm happy again and hopeful for a better future