Well, I told Duane, all about my being able to read his mails and stuff.
I just couldn't keep all this stuff in and for me any longer. This thing was eating me out. I feel much more relieve now.
I was a bit force to do so, because he set up the "last connected time" thingy, so he would have found out anyway... I just decided to come clean first....
He was choked of course, I told him I know about the mails and I know he's been lying about his exes...
I asked him why ? Why did he do that to me ? He said that he was an ego thing, he wanted to keep his influence towards them... and also because he felt I was getting away from him so he wanted to have somebody in case I decided to leave him...
What kind of fallacy is that ? Come on !!!
I felt like a fool, I was like, all this lies, for that ? Do I really want this kind of man in my life ? Not really and yet I can't let him go...
I think I'm more afraid of the lonelyness than breaking up with him. I think that if God would let someone else in my life, soon, I wouldn't mind about letting him go...
I'm thinking of me fighting to keep this relationship running, and him making plans for the after me...
He said that he loves me, but I don't trust him...
If you love somebody, you can not plan behind her back, you cannot, mispoke of her to your friends, can you ? Or am I being idealistic...
If he really want me and marry me, coz he keeps on saying that, he has to show that he loves me.
I'm still waiting sign of love and care from him... I know that he can, I saw the mails that he sent to his exes, he can find the word if he really want to... but I don't think he feels this way for me otherwise I would have sensed it.
All my body, my mind tell me that he doesn't love me, but my heart is still hopefull...